Garden update

Broccoli emerging.
Hutterite soup bean
Ditto
Beets. Only 7 of them came up.
Sweet potato that started to sprout in my pantry.
Sugar snap peas...
Garden #2, new this year. Broccoli, peppers, soup beans, cabbage, tomatoes.
Garden # 1: onions, lettuce, carrots, cabbage, sugar snap peas, tomatoes, sweet potato, basil and parsley.

Basement Reno

I found this where Pete had to pour some new cement. :D
Pete using the jigsaw to make the subfloor fit around the bathroom pipes.
Dimpleboard and subfloor.
we completely gutted the basement except for the fireplace. we had help from some friends-Reg, Dan and Kevin, but I failed to get any pictures of them.
Pete had a ball with the jackhammer.
what used to be the wall of a storage closet under the stairs.

looking through the bathroom into the kitchen.

confessions

Pete and I have talked about having a baby. Of course, since we've been married almost two years and we're both in our 30's. It's the natural time to have a child, and if we want one we can't wait too long.

I just have never been one of those people who longed to have children or dreamed about what I would do with my own kids. I am more the kind of person who is happy with less responsibility and noise rather than more. I have trouble properly taking care of myself, and while I love taking care of my husband (he takes care of me too), it's about as much work as I want to handle right now.

I don't think everyone that is married should assume that they need to have kids. I don't know if I deserve to have kids, or if I will be a caring enough mother to them or provide adequate protection to them from this crazy messed up world. And I get frazzled really easily these days, mainly because I'm stressed by my implacable thankless job. But I do not handle stress well.

I don't want to yell at my kids or retreat into a room while they destroy the rest of the house simply because I can't take it. I don't want to be snappy, pouty, and barely just coping. I feel like I'm all of those things these days just from having a job, which is way easier than being a mom.

I want to be wise, composed, happy and balanced. I want to have time for my family and friends and time to get my work done and just relax and be happy. I want to cook healthy food, and pursue a few hobbies as well, like vegetable gardening and painting. I want to have time to get stuff done so I don't wake up in the middle of the night and toss for two hours because my head is spinning with stuff that needs to get done. From what I've heard from my mommy friends, that is not really an option.

As our second anniversary is getting closer, I am thinking about having kids. I expected that there would be this dawning readiness and desire to have kids that would mean it was the right time. But my desire for kids has not changed. It scares me that there are so many reasons not to have kids.

I know I want kids, and I think it would be cool to have one that looks kind of like me and a little like Pete all at the same time. Or to adopt a child that looks nothing like either one of us. That is my little rant. Can you tell I'm exhausted and fed up with my job? And scared as ever about the future. I know, I know...

I went to the Toronto Blooms show.
Some whole grains I am experimenting with.
What are they looking at?
Yes, my kitties watch TV.
Rachel.
Maggie.

I am reading the latest issue of Canadian House and Home. If I were to pore (pour?) over this type of magazine on a regular basis, I would be so dissatisfied with my home and my social life. Who, I repeat WHO has a house that looks like any of the houses in the magazine? Only really rich people, and the main readership for this kind of magazine is the middle class individual... it's designed to make you dissatisfied with your own home so you'll buy more stuff!

I am glad for the real-life role models in my life who are less than perfect (I know, no one is perfect but some people seem perfect to me, and they are not my role models). I sometimes have the tendency to expect myself to be perfect and that makes me very stressed and flustered when my flaws come to the surface.

Last Sunday, we had my in-laws over for lunch and I made my first ever roast beef Sunday dinner. Growing up, that was not a tradition in my family, but it was in Peter's and he and I did the work together. It turned out ok, except the potatoes and carrots were a little hard (who knew you had to boil them before baking them?) and the meat was tough. I got so flustered and mad at the carrots and potatoes. Now I'm embarrassed because I got all flustered and grouchy and it wasn't really that big of a deal. By the way, my in-laws are not "the in-laws"; they are really cool and I love them.

Update on the job/career: it's still crazy but our team managed to squeeze out some good feedback so we know that we're doing some things right. It's still really high pressure in other ways. I keep telling myself that I just need to accept it instead of fighting it every day. My attitude can go a long way in making my job more enjoyable.

As a profession, dietitians often are women with confidence issues and we can sometimes let ourselves be walked on. I am finding that as I gain experience, I am less willing to take guff and rudeness from people. It's because I know that I know the facts and don't have time to waste on those who don't appreciate it or benefit from it. I also know how to talk to people without being rude or condescending.

I will leave you with a comment I made to one of my fellow dietitians after a particularly difficult week: "It seems to be the in thing for everyone to hate dietitians these days. Well guess what everyone? I hate you too!" I have kind of a knee-jerk sense of humor sometimes.

Rambling on...

I wonder if organic farmers are as frustrated as dietitians at consumer's short attention span and need for instant gratification. For instance: cheaply produced chicken flies off the shelves at cut-throat prices, while the organic chicken costs more and is less popular, albeit being better for you and almost assuredly worth the extra money. There is probably some price gouging going on but it does cost more to grow healthy chickens.

Don't ask me what kind of chicken I buy. It's about to change.

I have learned this about myself in the past few years: that if I don't believe in something 100%, I can't be passionate about it. So I'm asking myself a lot of questions such as whether what I do for a living is actually benefiting, or is the best way to help people. I'm having doubts, and therefore find myself working without passion.

I'm also a slightly jaded realist (with flashes of optimism). So I'm able to keep doing something I don't fully believe in because I need a job. I don't know if I would go for my dream if I even knew what it was. I crave the stability of a bi-weekly paycheck.

I have a strong inclination to tell everyone of my clients to quit their jobs, buy a house in the country, grow vegetables, chickens and cows, and stop stressing about stuff that's going to raise their blood pressure (or worse). But not even I have the guts to do it. I just crave a more simple life...that also includes high speed internet and cell phones and airplanes and washing machines and ... you know, simpler.

a rant from a dietitian's perspective

so many people have their own theory on nutrition, just the way some people think they can make up their own religion, picking and choosing theories that sound right to them. i spend so much time being preached to about nutrition and corrected by know-it-all patients during my nutrition sessions. these people will listen for one minute only after spouting off for 10. i much prefer the patients who say, no thanks, i don't want to talk about nutrition because they don't want to waste my time or their own.

and i would quit my job if i had a dollar for everyone that's sat across from me AFTER we have finished our session and told me that "i think my diet is pretty good; i know all about good nutrition." aiieee!!!!!!!!!

in my few years of experience, i've learned a lot about being culturally sensitive, sympathetic, not sounding condescending, meanwhile making relevant recommendations that are realistic. i know not to spout off too much technical mumbo jumbo and lose someone. i know to pick my battles and not try to change someone in 25 minutes. i know that nutrition is 85% common sense, and most people have some clue about what a healthy diet looks like. but i feel like i have to be a shrink, counsellor, mentor, encyclopedia and personal chef advisor! by the time i'm done doing all that, i'm exhausted, and quite frustrated. and in the end, some of them have the gall to politely tell me they knew it all already and didn't really need me to help them.

my frustration with the field of dietetics is growing. it has to be one of the most under-appreciated allied health specialties, and my colleagues agree with me on this. part of it is that verbal counseling in a sterile office on something as emotional, complex, and tortuous as the western diet is not enough for most people to bring about change. words are too easily forgotten; people forget some crazy number like 75% of what they hear within the first 10 minutes.

the irony is that someone who sells expensive nutrition gimmicks or unhealthy diet programs sees raving popularity. people are willing to go to extremes but unwilling to make a few simple changes. we are a twisted species!