I think the older I get, the more of my own flaws I become aware of... These days I have been noticing a lot of them. The problem is I tend to dwell on things a little too much. I will find myself feeling bad about something I've long since stopped thinking about and it takes me a minute to remember why I'm feeling bad. Remarkable, huh? I have to remind myself that I've been forgiven by the only person who really matters. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to be a little more perfect.
I also find myself missing small town America, not to mention just plain old country side. There is a dearth of that around here. Lots of "semi-detatched" houses, meaning sandwich houses, stretching for miles and miles into the suburbs. Or should I say kilometres. I miss just taking a weekend to drive to Lawrenceville and have a rural experience, spending every waking minute with friends and family to sooth my nerves before heading back to the big city. I miss the friendliness of mid-westerners, the camaraderie of knowing people and being part of a community. At the same time, I want to feel at home here and I want to like it here. I just think that's going to take a little while.
My job has been great. I like the fact that I work hard and come home, not trailing a ton of work and stress behind me. I like my co-workers. They hail from all over the world. So do my patients. We get regulars from England, South Africa, Bermuda and the US.
I miss speaking in Spanish. I miss horchata, salsa fresca, Lake Shore Drive... I miss my old co-workers (not my old job, mind you!) I miss just hanging out with my girlfriends in the Chicago apartment or out at a restaurant. I am sounding very pathetic. Bear with me! I am just slowly realizing the changes that have happened in the last year. Things don't hit me right away.
Maybe I should dwell on what I don't miss: my old job, seeing Pete only once a blue moon, spending lots of time alone, living on a very loud street, annoying neighbors; can't really think of anything else though!
Well that's it in a melancholy nutshell. I am feeling a little blue.
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3 comments:
i don't envy you a big move along with marriage, hugs to you and know that it will eventually settle. i bet things like sisterly visits help :) finding ways to stay connected is huge i think, and ways to find new connections too. building friendships and community seems to take forever, doesn't it?
ya, it feels like forever to make new connections and friends. i have to remember how long it took me when i moved to chicago. sisterly visits are huge!
Hello! I'm feeling sneaky for reading you blog since I don't know you, so I'm commenting to confess. I randomly linked to it from another blog, which I linked to from my sister's blog, and here I am! I kept reading...first because your writing style is enjoyable, and then because of the recurring subject: the move to Canada. I, too, have hopped the border (but in the other direction). It is interesting to read about your experiences in Canada and remember my similar experiences from 5 years ago. Sorry to be a peeping Tomasina--hope it's not too creepy!
-Amy
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