I am taking the Canadian RD exam tomorrow. Somehow, I am pretty apathetic about it. Lately being a dietitian has seemed very wrong and unrewarding. The nagging thought that I wasn't cut out to be one keeps persisting.

just finished watching the movie Grease, which was on tv. only caught bits and pieces, but it does such a great job of getting that feeling across. the feeling of being young and hopeful for what lay ahead, mainly in the realm of boys... but you know? the excitement of falling in love and having someone who takes your breath away.

Our cats have their own way of getting along.

Catalina weighs 7 lbs and Crabman weighs 12. Not really a fair fight! (Yes, we weigh our cats.)

Ramblings on Dreams and Reality

I just want to express my deep admiration for those of you who are doing what it takes to fulfill a dream. It takes courage. To dream, never mind the chasing. What do you have if you don't have a dream, they say.

I don't know if I have a dream... but I have a lot. That's a whole 'nother story. Maybe a dream is something that is born inside you. I am more of a realist. I dreamed as a kid, too much probably. When the real world reared up and hit me (starting in 7th grade), I determined that I no longer wanted to be ignorant of reality, which at the timed seemed mostly ugly. Keeping up with reality... paying attention, surviving, has taking a lot of energy over the years. Maybe if I'd let myself be a little more dreamy (if that's even possible) I would have a dream.

Maybe I just like security too much. Ya, I think that's the one. Now I feel pretty secure, and I'm happy about that. I have a steady job and no debt. So does my hubby. Knocking knocking on wood. We look at houses. We talk about having kids some day. We talk about staying healthy by exercising and eating right. But following dreams, that conversation is harder.

First of all, to dream, you have to be like a sniper, shooting down all the reasons-why-not before they destroy the dream altogether. It also helps to have an attention span longer than a gnat's because dreaming takes TIME. Then you have to be willing to take risks. I don't consider myself a risk taker (I did get married though). Then you have to work like heck and not worry about regrets, something I constantly work on!

That is my tutorial on how to dream. Do not take this post to mean I am going to give birth to a grand dream. But... I hope I don't kill it if one pops up for some reason.

I'm 30!

It hasn't hit me yet. I don't have time to be hit. I go to work, come home, find food, go to bed, get up and go back to work. The last two weekends Pete and I have been out of town.

On my birthday, Pete took me to a lovely restaurant called Michael's on the Thames, in London Ontario. The atmosphere was relaxed, unhurried and cozy, and I got serenaded with an accordion, no less! The food was spectacular. They make certain dishes right in front of you. Like Caesar salad, and peach flambe, complete with big flames and all. It was awesome...

Now to get myself organized again. Eating healthy is a huge challenge when working full time! I wonder why it is so hard to follow my own nutrition advice. If only my clients knew how much better than me they are eating... well some of them anyway.

I must be off to bed. I have never felt the beginnings of a sore throat whilst still recovering from a cold... winter is killing me. I need a break!

I think the older I get, the more of my own flaws I become aware of... These days I have been noticing a lot of them. The problem is I tend to dwell on things a little too much. I will find myself feeling bad about something I've long since stopped thinking about and it takes me a minute to remember why I'm feeling bad. Remarkable, huh? I have to remind myself that I've been forgiven by the only person who really matters. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to be a little more perfect.

I also find myself missing small town America, not to mention just plain old country side. There is a dearth of that around here. Lots of "semi-detatched" houses, meaning sandwich houses, stretching for miles and miles into the suburbs. Or should I say kilometres. I miss just taking a weekend to drive to Lawrenceville and have a rural experience, spending every waking minute with friends and family to sooth my nerves before heading back to the big city. I miss the friendliness of mid-westerners, the camaraderie of knowing people and being part of a community. At the same time, I want to feel at home here and I want to like it here. I just think that's going to take a little while.

My job has been great. I like the fact that I work hard and come home, not trailing a ton of work and stress behind me. I like my co-workers. They hail from all over the world. So do my patients. We get regulars from England, South Africa, Bermuda and the US.

I miss speaking in Spanish. I miss horchata, salsa fresca, Lake Shore Drive... I miss my old co-workers (not my old job, mind you!) I miss just hanging out with my girlfriends in the Chicago apartment or out at a restaurant. I am sounding very pathetic. Bear with me! I am just slowly realizing the changes that have happened in the last year. Things don't hit me right away.

Maybe I should dwell on what I don't miss: my old job, seeing Pete only once a blue moon, spending lots of time alone, living on a very loud street, annoying neighbors; can't really think of anything else though!

Well that's it in a melancholy nutshell. I am feeling a little blue.